"Master of the House." (Suprising how easy it is to memorize-it sticks!)
THENARDIER
Welcome, monsieur
Sit yourself down
And meet the best
Innkeeper in town
As for the rest,
All of them crooks
Rooking the geusts
And cooking the books
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be
Master of the House
Doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake
And an open palm
Tells a saucy tale
Makes a little stir
Customers appreciate
A Bon-Viveur
Glad to do my friends a favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing,
Everything has got a little price
Master of the House
Keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em
Of a Sou or two
Watering the wine
Making up the weight
Picking up their knick-knacks
When they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's Bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Don't I bleed 'em in the end?
THENARDIER AND BACKUPS
Master of the House
Quick to catch your eye
Never wants a passer-by
To pass him by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the Great
Comforter, Philosopher
And life long mate
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone
THENARDIER
But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!
Enter Monsieur
Lay down your load
Unlace your boots
And rest from the road
This weighs a ton
Travel's a curse
But here we strive
To lighten your purse
Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing's overlooked
'Till I'm satisfied
Food beyond compare
Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer
And pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse
Liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages
With this and that
Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
"Reasonable Charges"
(Plus some little extras on the side)
Charge 'em for the mice
Extra for the lice
2 percent for looking
In the mirror twice
Here a little slice
There a little cut
3 percent for sleeping
With the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There are lots of tricks he knows
How it all increases all the bits and
Pieces Jesus! It's amazing how it grows
THENARDIER AND BACKUP
Master of the house
Quick to catch your eye
Never wants a passer-by
To pass him by
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
Comforter, Philosopher
And life long mate.
Everybody's boon companion
Gives 'em everything he's got
THENARDIER
Dirty bunch of geezers!
Jesus! What a sorry litte lot
MADAME THENARDIER
I used to dream
That I would meet a prince
But god almighty!
Have you seen what's
Happened since?
Master of The House
Isn't worth my spit
Comforter, Philosopher
And lifelong shit
Cunning little Brain
Regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover
But there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature
Landing me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted
Living with this Bastard in the House!
THENARDIER AND BACKUP
Master of the House
MADAME THENARDIER
Master and a half!
THENARDIER AND BACKUP
Comforter, Philosopher
MADAME THENARDIER
Don't make me laugh!
THENARDIER AND BACKUP
Servant to the poor
Butler to the great
MADAME THENDARDIER
Hypocrite and
toady and inebriate!
THENARDIER AND BACKUP
Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse!
THENARDIER
Everybody raise a glass!
MADAME THENARDIER
Raise it up the master's ass!
ALL
Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!